


Wanderlust

by thefoxwoman



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Female Friendship, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Original Sailor Senshi, Sailor Moon Classic, World Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29069853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefoxwoman/pseuds/thefoxwoman
Summary: Sometimes we travel to see the world, sometimes the world sees us instead. The scouts discover what it means to leave and come back again. Five vignettes, AU modern/contemporary storyline.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	1. Sonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1: In which Minako finds out that to be loved as an idol, isn't necessarily love at all.
> 
> "Los Angeles is a constellation of plastic." -Norman Mailer
> 
> "...life's a beautiful thing, and there's so much to smile about." -Marilyn Monroe

Los Angeles was warm in the winter. That was something different from the cool temperatures that Tokyo held. The sun was bright, and if you stood in it, you'd feel the warmth. You only had to wear a t-shirt most days. There were noticeable differences, of course. In the shade, it was about ten degrees cooler and you might have to put on a sweater or a shrug. And you definitely couldn't go out at night without a jacket, which led to everyone buying ridiculous faux fur coats that they would wear for a week in January and then put away in their closets until the next season.

Minako Aino had one of those ridiculous faux fur coats. It was leopard print, fluffy, and engulfed her frame. Tonight, she was wearing it over a tight black dress, with knee high boots. Her long blonde hair swished behind her as she made her way to the car in front of her apartment building.

"Out for something special tonight?" The driver asked her as she buckled herself in the backseat.

"A date." She replied, and if he heard the lack of enthusiasm in her voice, he said nothing. In fact, the entire rest of the drive was spent listening to him speak with family on the phone.

Minako watched downtown come into focus from the freeways. In America, there were so many freeways. At first, she was enthralled, being able to drive the coast of Southern California with her windows rolled down and the salty air weaving through her skin and hair. That was when she was first learning how to drive, and experiencing that "freedom" that some freeways could possess. Some was the word. Now, she hated driving with all her being but living in Los Angeles meant that driving had to occur. The alternative was having someone else drive you, and thank god for that new app.

Downtown looked sparkly and lonesome all at once. The Staples Center was lit up, anticipating some event, perhaps a basketball game? The skyline reminded her of a mineral she came across at The Natural History Museum. It was called Galena. Sharp dark edges with bright spots of Quartz growing on top. She had heard someone somewhere calling Los Angeles "The City of Quartz."

It seemed appropriate to her then. Shiny things tend to form under pressure of the darkness, the bleakness of a capitalist landscape. She herself was here for that reason, was she not? With casting calls and auditions several days a week, at several modeling and acting agencies, Minako was feeling the pressure. But it was Hollywood, and Hollywood was looking for blond girls that had natural blue eyes, and (of course!) Scandinavian/European features. She had better luck in modeling, especially for small brands that prided themselves on being independent of the large-scale corporations.

It wasn't long until she had discovered photo sharing social media platforms. She found she could post a picture of herself doing absolutely nothing, but still gain attention from strangers. A post of her face, or a new outfit instantly gained hundreds of "likes." This led to small brand deals, which eventually led to Minako wearing the latest styles, which led to aforementioned faux fur coat. She would be sent things to wear and promote, leading her feeds to become more advertisements than an actual sharing of what her actual life was like. She was drawn into it fast, her photos promoting new skin-care, or make up or bathing suits. And on nights like tonight? She shared her evenings through video stories, often highlighting the most glamorous places she attended.

Her date was waiting for her in the lobby. He seemed cute, polished and confident. She liked confident people, but most of the men she had been seeing in Los Angeles seemed to have mistaken confidence for a brash arrogance. As he stood and raised his arm to greet her, a smirk coming over his features, she noticed a really expensive watch on his wrist.

Another one, she thought. But she still smiled and giggled at him at the appropriate moments throughout their conversation of the night.

The restaurant was a mix of classy upscale French cuisine and Americana styling. They were seated outside next to one of those fireplaces that has rocks and crystals instead of coals. It looked like a glowing alien fireplace, not one that she would've guessed would be in an establishment that had Victorian couches inside or antique lamps. But that was just LA wasn't it? A fusion of all styles and mixes and Minako was not accustomed to it, used to the monogamous nature of design and people in Tokyo.

There were so many things that Minako missed about home. She had moved to Los Angeles about a year ago to follow her dreams of becoming an idol. A year ago, she stepped out of LAX's noisy airport, breathed in the exhaust and sea air, took in the assaulting sunshine and felt like her life was just beginning.

She learned how to drive! She learned about commuting! She learned that Los Angeles, while full of eight million people, could really feel like the loneliest city in the world. Separated by neighborhoods (West Side, East Side, WeHo, DTLA- how confusing for her to get through!)

Los Angeles was a city of extremes; she could see that after once accidentally stumbling across a street where everyone lived in tents. She would never forget the hollow eyes that stared at her, as she stumbled through, latching onto the arm of a new friend (though she learned that friendships here were fleeting) as they made their way into the Arts District.

Minako explored every inch. And she did so through dating apps. Dating was easy for her, she always had known how to be charming. She met people in every neighborhood, at every landmark, all in her own selfish pursuit of exploring this City of Angels. She went to amusement parks and national parks; she went out to late night raves and early morning yoga classes. She followed her roommate once to a radical political party meeting, where she felt uncomfortable by how extreme everyone seemed, and left to go catch up with a guy who she had went on a date with earlier that week. That night he told her he could see a future with her, and she broke it off immediately.

She didn't know what she was looking for, but at the time, she didn't think it was love.

Her friends at home would tease her about this, she knew. Minako Aino, the self-proclaimed "Goddess of Love" doesn't want to actually find love? Rei would be beside herself laughing. She missed them. She video chatted with them once a week when she had first arrived, but lately, she had been avoiding calling. Something was piercing her, her motivation for things had started to dwindle and her passions seemed scattered. She began to wonder if she wanted to really stay here, in this toxic city, with it's toxic people and it's poison air.

She posted pictures instead, of her face with "beauty looks" and her body clad in form fitting outfits, and sky-high heels. She took in the small hearts that appeared over her photos with the kind of determined competition that saw her through numerous volleyball tournaments as a high school student. Four hundred likes for a photo of her face, but nearly nine hundred for her body? People "loved" her. Astonishing.

In this fancy restaurant, overlooking the city, Minako was beginning to find some sort of realization. Her date was extremely boring, and kept staring at her chest. Well, she did put on a dress that was a little low cut. She asked him about the sights.

"Oh, that's some historical square, I think. I dunno, some sort of park or something." He said, shrugging away any last bits of interesting dinner conversation he might have.

She realized then, that she was testing him. Later that night, she declined to go home with him.

Instead, she typed in an address on her phone, a few minutes later, opened the door to the backseat of a stranger's car, and rode in complete silence to the outskirts of the city. She was dropped off as the bottom of a small hill, where people were walking up or down a path. 

She walked up that path, watching the top of the hill slowly coming into focus. The building at the top was old, not as old as some of the buildings downtown, but it still had that feel. She didn't go inside, where people were milling about. Instead, she walked to a large courtyard and made her way to the railing.

The city lay out before her, twinkling lights from all of the homes and sky rises. There was a little bit of an orange glow emitting into the horizon. As she took in the skyline, Minako had to admit; there was a charm about this city after all. She could point out her favorite neighborhood that had Korean spas, her favorite locations for Oaxacan food, and her favorite place to grab a specialty whiskey cocktail. She could see the direction her apartment was in, nestled between the craziness of Hollywood and the laid back West Side. But she could also see how much she was missing.

She came to LA looking for people to love her. She didn't realize that what she wanted, that the type of love that she was looking for, was in something else entirely. Amidst this sparkling skyline, glittering like a thousand diamonds against a darkening landscape, Minako Aino made the decision to give her love away instead.

The following day took her off of every course she had known thus far. In the morning, she stood on a beach with about twenty other volunteers, pledging to clean up trash found there. In the afternoon, she attended a local bookstore sale, benefiting one of the more marginalized communities in the city. In the evening, she was downtown again, but this time, writing letters to incarcerated youth.

Not once did she check her apps.

Instead-later that night-at her small kitchen table pushed up against her floor to ceiling windows, she pulled out a pen and paper and began to write to her friends in loopy handwriting:

"Hi everyone, I know it's been awhile. I've decided to make some changes to my life here. I know I'll see you all again soon…."


	2. Intrepid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2: In which Makoto decides, against her best interests, to go on an adventure.
> 
> "Then something Tookish woke up inside him, and he wished to go and see the great mountains, and hear the pine-trees and the waterfalls, and explore the caves, and wear a sword instead of a walking-stick." - J.R.R. Tolkein
> 
> "He stayed at home for awhile, and all was quiet." -Njal's Saga

At the top of a mountain, everything that is laid out before you seems small and far away. Clouds can even feel small, if you go high enough to the peak. Makoto Kino stood at the top of a mountain range, arms outstretched, fingertips reaching. If she wiggled her fingers, she imagined little strings attached to each of them, reaching far out across the world wrapping around her friends scattered on this good earth. The wind played with the tendrils of her curly, untamed hair, and she felt the whispers of the land tickle her ears, telling her secrets.

A month ago, she'd never have thought herself here, across the world on top of a mountain after trekking with nothing but a small backpack. She had had to board a plane (a plane!) to get here. Something was wrong with her for sure. Something had possessed her spirit, and one night after a rough day of doing the same routine (bussing dishes in a restaurant, training at her dojo, and fiddling about in her tiny apartment with her plants) did Makoto realize she needed something in her life.

It wasn't friends, she was thankful for the girls, but even Usagi picked up on her restlessness that evening. She had burnt a tray of cookies, and her petite friend had immediately asked what was wrong. The thing was, Makoto was bored and tired. When did her life become the same thing, every day? When did she start feeling as if she were a hundred years old, forever settling in her small room, smelling the decay of the soil in her potted plants.

She read a book about an adventure, a ring and a dragon and decided that maybe she'd leave her hobbit hole this time around. But where to? Anywhere she'd want to go meant she had to face her biggest fear. Still, the courage of her friends gave her the strength to purchase a ticket, and even though she spent the long flight from Tokyo to Reykjavik gripping the edges of her seat with white knuckles, she made it. Of course, only after throwing up in the restroom upon arrival.

The thing about adventures, was that they never seemed to happen until things went wrong. Makoto thought that the long flight was her "wrong thing" but it could only get worse. Her carefully planned suitcase was taken from the conveyor belt, and all she had was her carry on pack that she threw in the overhead. She shouldered it, apprehensive already, and wondering if she should just give up, find a different place to fill the void. The thought of having to sit through another flight again soured her, so Makoto left the solace of the airport and took a few breaths in the chilly early morning air of the otherworldly volcanic country.

It was barely sunrise, the rays from the star just beginning to reach over the horizon. Makoto moved in a trance with the rest of the recently landed passengers, walking through the airport towards transportation. She noticed that many others were renting cars and looking at carefully planned itineraries. She felt another slight hitch in her throat, upon realizing that she truly had no plan and bought a ticket on whim. Gathering up her courage, she walked to a couple that were walking out of the car rental service with keys to a new electric car, and asked for a ride-her first foray into hitchhiking, but definitely not the last on this trip.

The drive to the small city was breathtaking. Endless fields of volcanic rocks spanned her vision. As the sun rose higher in the sky, she noticed small mountains in the distance. She knew it was a small country, but from her view in the backseat of the car, it seemed massive.

That first week in Reykjavik was overwhelming. Icelandic seemed to be the main language that everyone communicated in, with English as a close second. Makoto, not proficient in either, stumbled her way through booking a room in a hostel, and buying a travel guide at a bookstore. But for that first week, the book sat in her backpack at the hostel, untouched.

Instead, Makoto found herself walking everywhere, exploring the streets of the city. There were quaint coffee shops and neat little bars. There were murals everywhere, something that Makoto wished she would see more of in her own corner of the world. The smells of the ocean and the views of the Icelandic opera house were now seared permanently in her mind. One day, she walked up a long winding street to find a massive church at the end of it. The tall columns against the brightness of the sky looked formidable, and even hopeful. Standing in its presence made her feel calm, and strong.

Makoto was always independent but this country served to challenge that independence, lest it turn to loneliness. After another evening of sitting in a pub and glancing at all the patrons happily chatting with each other, she felt a surge of homesickness. She wanted to be with her family, cooking a nice meal, teasing Usagi, jesting with Ami, sparring with Rei and giggling with Mina. But she was shook from those thoughts as a burly man sat across from her, with a loud thump.

"Er, hi." he said, in a gruff voice, "I was told to hand out these fliers." He slid a bright orange piece of paper across the table to her. She looked at it, and could make out the English words "farm, help wanted, room and travel." There was also a phone number at the bottom, and then what looked like the same details but in French, Spanish and German.

The man nodded at her and then rose from the table, and walked off, handing out the flier to more people as he made his way to the bar. Makoto finished her soup, and paid the waiter. As she was leaving, she tucked the flier into her bag, shrugged on her coat and began her walk back to her hostel.

With the assistance of her phone and a quick internet search for the Japanese translation of the words on the flier she read the ad again, laying in her small bed.

"Help Wanted! Looking for a farm hand to stay with us for the season. Room and board included. Travel affairs also included. Please meet at the bus terminal, Reykjavik."

Well, she figured, why the hell not? After all, she hadn't booked a return flight yet, and there was still so much to see. Maybe, she figured, some sightseeing could shake her out of her homesickness.

In the time Makoto spent from arriving at the bus station (where she met that same guy from the bar) to taking said bus across the country, heading north west, she realized how wide and expansive Iceland could be. Dramatic waterfalls, and rolling fields blew past her window. Houses carved into the hills, with no neighbors for miles. Wild horses, with long fluffy manes running across the large fields. It was like she was transported into that fantasy novel she had read. She imagined adventure, and the full experience of those stories, but this time, she was the main character.

They had to take a ferry to the Westfjords, and Makoto was thrilled. She bought a small snack at the harbor, a hotdog with onions and mustard, and happily munched on it as the ferry was underway. She sat on the top deck with her new friend, Kristjan-who had told her that he was a fellow farmhand, a cousin of the family, and just wanted to help his uncle out.

"Family is important here, in Iceland." he said.

Makoto could only give him a small smile, and then turn away to hide the painful expression on her face, letting the wind wipe away a small tear.

They continued on their journey, meeting an enthusiastic young woman with a small truck upon docking, who later introduced herself as Eva, Kristjan's cousin. The drive up to the farm was spectacular, with roads that winded around each fjord. When they reached the house, Makoto was pleasantly surprised to see how quaint it was. It was exactly as she imagined it, painted white with a red roof and sheep mulling about. A small cat greeted her as she was shown around the property.

The weeks she spent at the farmhouse were not easy, physically. She was constantly checking on the sheep barns, making sure the hay was stacked, the sheep were fed and the fences were closed. There were a few sheepherding dogs that ran around and helped guide the herd animals as well, and Makoto loved watching them. She was quickly introduced to the classic Icelandic sweater, made from the wool that Kristjan's aunt would shear from their small herd.

They were the most physically draining weeks she had had in awhile, but throughout it, her overwhelming homesickness and feeling of boredom both washed away. There was some purpose in this routine simple life, something that kept her inspired as she learned new ways of cooking, new ways of farming and new ways to connect. In the evenings, she would sit with the family in their drawing room and share stories with them. She even picked up some Icelandic words, and laughed heartily along as Kristjan's uncle told her stories of the Norse gods. ("Thor, with his hammer! Freya? She's a nice girl.")

The few weeks of her stay ended soon, and Makoto found herself wondering what to do next. She had been in Iceland just shy of a month, and was surprised when she felt she wasn't ready to go back yet. So she took up her small pack again, though this time she bought a few extra things- some hiking boots, rough weather apparel and a new map of hiking trails.

Eva and Kristjan drove her to the nearest trailhead, and pointed out her peak: Kaldbakur, the "Alps of the Westfjords." She smiled as they waved her off, and she began her trek. It took her about four hours to get to the top, where she breathed in the fresh air and spread her arms wide. It had taken a while for her to get it, but now, she finally did. This whole trip was the adventure she was looking for.

Later that evening, after hitchhiking to the nearest village and checking into another hostel, she stood outside and looked up. Aurora borealis snaked across the sky, another part of this country that took her breath away. Snuggled in her homemade Icelandic wool sweater, clutching a cup of the strongest black coffee, and staring at the night sky in this tiny fishing village, Makoto found new inspiration in her life. Even if her friends were across the world, even if it was taking her a moment to find someone special to live her life with, she recognized that there was a way that she wanted to live her life from this point on. She liked to think that the colorful patterns in the sky were ribbons from her parents, encouraging her to go on.

On the day that she had finally scheduled her return flight, she decided she wanted something more to remember this feeling she found in this country. It was a cheesy tourist thing, maybe a little reckless on her part, but still something that she felt would cement her time. So, conquering another fear, she allowed the artist to pierce her skin with the needle and ink. Kristjan's uncle's words came back to her in that moment: "In the old days, we would draw it on your forehead, in blood taken from a raven." A tattoo didn't hurt as much as she thought, and later, looking at the small symbol etched into her ribcage, she realized the full meaning.

Vegvisir, the stave to help it's bearer find their way through rough weather. The protection rune for travelers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The words uttered by the Icelanders in this story were all told to me when I was on my own adventure in the country. Whether or not they were messing with me, or completely serious, I'll never know. But it didn't stop me from buying all of the Icelandic Sagas or getting my own Vegvisir tattoo. I know, I'm a tourist.


	3. Fernweh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3: In which Rei finally acknowledges that she has feelings. 
> 
> “If you look into yourself you see past, present and future. You see the time revolves endlessly. You can see the past from the present. By looking into myself, I can see my grandmother, my mother, the elders in the temple and me.” Jeong Kwan 
> 
> “Peace comes from within, do not seek it without.” Buddha

She’s just so unsatisfied. People seem to back away from the passion she spits out. Once, on a date, a girl told her, “Well I love your passion, but do you always have to make it about justice? Do you always have to be fighting?” 

Those words hang in empty silence as Rei processes her emotions. But she finds she can’t and instead, feels that her date is too boring to not be aware of these systematic issues. Why isn’t she dissatisfied? Why isn’t she taking up the mantle that Rei was holding out to her? The date ends early, with Rei making up a dinner excuse and her date recognizing that maybe conversations about sociopolitical landscapes were probably not the best first date topics. At least, when concerning Rei. 

Later that evening, Rei tries to figure out what’s wrong with her. Why does she argue? Why does she fight? She grew up privileged, in a nice school, a nice home and despite the tragedy that was cast over her family situation and the tension with her father, she was never for lack of any things. 

Maybe that was it. That she has everything, that she has the platform for which to express her distaste. And she does. Her first acts of rebellion came quickly after that whole thing with Kaidou, when she decided to ruin her father’s image by hanging with public school girls. Except that Usagi and the girls are actually really great people, and Rei finds herself wanting to really support them. Still, her arguments with Usagi are legendary. And more than once, that edgy fury would lash out, cross the boundary and hurt someone she loves. 

She’d be filled with regret and guilt, more so sitting with hot tears in front of the sacred fire than meditating on her mistakes. She knows exactly what she’s doing, when she is doing it. She can be cold and calculating with her anger, but she can also be spontaneous. One time, she watched the scared fire and an ember sparked from one side to the other, it looked like the fire was dancing. That week, Rei had started an argument with her father, then later took it out on a dear friend. What a dance indeed. 

It’s when her grandfather is laid to rest, that Rei really snaps. She tries hardest to take the Head Priestess position with all the grace and patience that it requires but she’s feeling that agitated energy burning through her. It’s resentment; towards her father for being the world’s worst dad, and towards her mother and grandfather for leaving her here all alone.  


At night, she has strange dreams, where instead of being the archer, she is the arrow shooting through space and time, and crying out when she misses the scenes with her father, mother, grandfather. 

Her friends are understanding when she tells them she’ll be away for a while. She’s surprised when Usagi volunteers to check on the Shrine a few times a week. Makoto is in the process of carefully planning out her very detailed trip, and Minako and Ami on video chat are giving her tips for flying. Rei leaves Tokyo feeling grateful for her family, her chosen family, but there’s still something akin to a pit in her chest. Her dreams on the flight are no less still. 

Seoul is filled with food and people and music. Her senses are overwhelmed and she rushes into a museum to find some quiet. A collection of wooden masks is the main exhibit and she stares for too long at one entitled “The Fool.” 

Eventually she finds the village closest to the Temple. She treks through the sunny woods, across a delightful stream, and ends up at the front door, reminiscent of her last arrival at a spiritual space. The monks greet her, and she realizes she had booked a temple stay at an all female temple. 

Things are a little different in the practices here. There is no fire, but a ringing of bells. Meditation and prayer take place in different physical forms. Temple duties are different as well, though each one is filled with Buddhist philosophy. Rei is set up in the kitchen, where she learns how to prepare temple dishes, omitting garlic and onions in favor of soy sauce and lotus roots.

It’s in these moments in the kitchen, where she learns true grace. Her mentor nun is a tiny aging woman, who is very particular about her cooking. She teaches Rei about fermenting vegetables. She makes Rei collect the ancient kimchi, and tells her how it’s prepared, how it’s a transformational process. Rei reaches into the pot that’s been sitting in the earth for who knows how long. She dips her delicate fingers in, and as she pulls out a dripping fermented cabbage, she feels the alchemy that has taken place, a new life created from the old one.

Her mentor is named Jeong Kwan, a well know chef around the world, but Rei has no idea. She only finds out later, when she’s back in Tokyo. Usagi tells her, “It was meant to happen, you were meant to meet her.” 

The days pass slowly at the monastery. Rei’s two week stay feels like two long years. She wakes early in the mornings, presses her head against the floor, washes her face, goes to prayer, heads to the kitchen. In the afternoons she’s with Jeong Kwan, picking vegetables in her garden that sprawls into the surrounding nature. She’s never experienced nature like this place before. 

There’s a stillness to it all. She begins to look forward to hearing the birds each morning, and the crickets at night. She’s awake for the sunrise, and in the evenings, she has a small cup of barely tea to take in the sunset. Her meditation improves, no longer guided by a physical flame, but instead one that she pictures in her mind’s eye. She may practice a different form of religion, but faith is all the same in prayer. 

One day, the nuns give her a day off, and she takes it as a chance to go for a hike. She packs shitake mushrooms boiled in soy sauce as a snack. Once, in the kitchen, Jeong Kwan taught her about the importance of soy sauce. That there are soy sauces so old they are passed down from generation to generation. Heirlooms. 

Rei thinks about her family. She thinks about time, and how at one time her parents might have been in love. How at one time, her grandfather was celebrating the birth of her mother. At one time they were whole. At one time, they were happy. But in the present, they are fractured, and they are alone. Maybe that’s why her energy has been so restless, so volatile. Maybe she hasn’t learned yet, how to grieve, how to let it wash over and pass. 

As she hikes through the forest, she comes across a stream. The flowing water is a perfect place to meditate, a literal metaphor as she contemplates time. She eats her mushrooms, thankful for the nourishment and settles herself on a rock. 

Three hours later, the sun is low in the sky, and Rei Hino opens her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Rei Hino is one of my favorite characters but I had trouble with pinning down why exactly she'd want to travel. Then I watched Chef's Table on Netflix and cried during Jeong Kweon's episode. I think she would have so much to teach Rei, despite the differences in their religions.


	4. Eleutheromania

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 4: In which Ami learns to trust her instincts. 
> 
> “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” Albert Einstein
> 
> “i had a dream when i was 22 that someday i would go to the region of ice and snow and go on and on till i came to one of the poles of the earth”. Ernest Shackleton

Ami was the first one to leave, well at least the first of the small group of theirs. Technically, if she was being technical, Mamoru was the first to explore outside of Tokyo with his Study Abroad Program in America. Usagi was inconsolable during that time, and the girls had all tried their hardest to make sure she never felt alone again. Ami remembered that time, and thought about how presently, Usagi was preparing for her own experience abroad. Would she be scared? Lonely? Excited? 

Those were all things that Ami had felt, especially when she took off the first time. On a jet far above the clouds, she read through medical textbooks, and listened to podcasts about the rainy city she’d spend a few years in as a Foreign Exchange Student. Her future classmates weren’t as interesting to her as the new roads and maps that this city would hold. 

Well that was over two years ago, and Ami had yet to return to Tokyo. She still kept in touch with the girls. She followed Mina’s exploits through California, watching her post less and less on her social media accounts and received, instead, physical letters from the “Goddess of Love” herself. She loved the updates that Makoto would send to them all in their joint GroupMe chat. Photos of a happy Mako, torso swathed in a fluffy sweater, looking wild and strong, her facial expression filled with something that was missing for years. And of course, though Rei hardly sent anything frequently, the sparse emails they received describing her time spent practicing with Buddhist monks in Korea brought more emotion and deep vulnerability that no one expected from the usually reserved priestess. 

What was Ami’s contribution? In the years she spent in Berlin, she documented her day to day activities meticulously. She would send her records to the girls, prompting more questions from Mina and Usagi, “Who are your friends? Fall in love with any cute German guys yet?” She chose to instead send pictures of all the libraries she studied in, resulting in a group groan and concerns from Usagi, “Are you okay over there? Should I come visit?” 

She was fine. She walked the paths of Berlin with an understood certainty directly aligning to her character. Ami knew the maps by heart, the places to go to to read in, cafes where she found a taste for strong dark coffee, and the routes closest to the waterways so she could ponder her classes while walking. It became routine for her, always moving into the same spaces, occupying her safe spots with measured intelligence. In a place so different from her home, keeping a routine kept her grounded, so she had everything set to the minute. Thus passed her four years in med school. 

It wasn’t until her last few months at the university that this was all disrupted. In an open classroom, her professor handed back grades. She received her paper on medicinal philosophy back and nearly fainted from the grade. Classic Ami, she thought, you would be upset by a slightly lower grade. But as she admonished herself, something caught her eye. A note from the professor marked in red. 

“While you have the theory in complete understanding, I’m afraid you may miss the point of the pursuit of knowledge indefinitely. Are you not curious, Miss Mizuno? Where is your sense of imagination within the confines of intellect? Where is your pursuit of freedom?” 

By the end of the week, this note had been seared into her mind. What could she possibly mean by imagination? Of course Ami had it! Right? She was pacing in front of a canal, no doubt earning a few stares from passersby. She tried in vain to remember the last time she felt genuinely curious about something. Maybe that plane ride from Tokyo, when she was trying to learn about the city she was going to live in? But even then, her curiosity only served as a vessel for her to create her precious routine. 

She knew her professor was meaning to push her, but what way? Ami decided it was time to take things upon herself to sit down with this so-called “Philosophy Educator” and figure out how to raise her grade. It was later to her chagrin when she found that not only did her professor refuse to raise her grade or let her rewrite it, but that she suggested yet another abroad program. 

“Study abroad from your current study abroad? Can you even do that?” Mina looked appalled and a little bit wistful on their video chat. 

“I don’t know, I guess. My professor thinks I should do this, even though it’s not necessarily a requirement.” Ami mused, “But it could be beneficial. To be an assistant doctor for a residency in a remote space would give me more experience in the field. And it’s different from say, volunteering in Africa. It’d make my resume look...unexpected.” 

“Your resume already looks interesting Ami.” was Mina’s soft reply. But they both could hear and recognize in Ami’s voice, the longing for something more. 

So it was with her bags packed, her old laptop tucked away in her boarding bag and a new book in her arms that Ami approached the Berlin Brandenburg Airport. Her mind was swirling as she reached her gate. She was barely still awake in Argentina, as she transferred from her international flight to a private charter. There, she met some other fortunate souls who all wore the same expression: exhaustion and disbelief. They were a motley crew, consisting of researchers, cooks, firefighters, and artists. As they boarded their flight, there was a sense of leaving the entire world behind. Well, Ami thought, we kind of are. 

The plane touched down in Williams Field, which was more of a blanket of ice and snow, and as she stepped outside, Ami Mizuno took in her first deep breath of the harsh air of Antarctica. 

~

McMurdo Station was ugly. The small research facility had dorms, a dining hall, common areas, and a hospital-- where Ami spent her days. Hospital was a stretch, she thought as she ambled over there from the dining hall. It was painted white and red, garish in comparison to the landscape surrounding it. As she walked, her breath was once again taken by the sights before her. A vast and expansive sheet of ice reached into the horizon. It was Fall, which in Antarctica just meant the skies were clear. Out here, Ami could feel her spirit soaring with the gusts of wind. Out here, Ami finally began to understand a little of what her professor had told her over a year ago. 

She clunked into the clinic, stomping her boots off at the door. It was warm inside, so she shrugged off the gigantic red parka issued to all members of the station. In her layered thermals, she moved through the small space. She came across her fellow doctor, currently assisting a heavy equipment operator with a sling. 

“Ami, can you set up the X Ray machine?” He asked. She complied and went through the process of helping the patient. 

The rest of the day passed without any hitches. There were a few more walk-in patients, a few appointments, lunch (which Ami brought with her from the dining hall) and paperwork and then it was time for dinner. She packed up the last of her documents, set them aside on her small desk and walked out to the small entrance of the clinic. Her coworker was waiting. 

“Ready to see what slop they’re serving?” He grinned easily. And Ami smiled back. 

Inside the dining hall, they met up with a group of others that Ami had begun to call friends. A biologist, a glaciologist and a journalist sat at the table, all talking excitedly. The two doctors approached and were met with knowing smirks. 

“Ok, are you going to tell us what you’re gossiping about?” Ami asked. The old her might never have been that bold, but a few years at a research station with the same people wore away at her hermit-like tendencies.

“Dr. Celestian is organizing a trip to Dome Fuji. He’s taking a few of us along!” The biologist, Mari Ocampo said excitedly. 

“Ooh a boondoggle eh?” Her coworker teased. “What do we have to do to get on it?” 

“Well….” Celestian was looking at Ami, “We might need a medic.” 

This is how Ami found herself, a few days later, with a white bucket on her head, hands clutching a rope. She felt it tug to her left, so she let her feet follow. There was a muffled yelling, but she couldn’t discern who exactly was speaking. She continued to shift her feet to the left, feeling the pull of the rope. It was windy, and she had to force herself to stand up straight, lean into the wind. She felt two tugs which meant that they had made it. She let go of the rope and lifted the bucket off her head, letting the brightness of the ice and snow flood her vision. Around her, fellow teammates for the expedition let out whoops. They had passed the final survival training course test. 

Later in the week, or maybe the beginning of the next week (time was disorienting here), Ami boarded a vehicle with Celestian, Ocampo, and the journalist Fred Sines. She sat near the window and for once, did not have a book in her lap waiting to be read. Instead, she stared as the landscape shifted and changed and McMurdo Station grew smaller in the distance. 

Antarctica was a vast continent, consisting mostly of glacial ice sheets. It was harsh and cold, and the weather was never consistent. That much Ami had learned at the station. But seeing this wild expanse of land brought something up in her that she had never felt before. As her team set up camp, she found that she could look in every direction and find a never ending expanse. That felt right to her. That there were no maps, no limits, no end to the horizon, no beginning to the sky. 

Her colleagues must’ve felt the same. As camp was set up they began laughing and whooping, their voices echoing on the ice. It must’ve been Fred who started yelling, or as he described it in a very American manner, “a barbaric yawp!” Ami figured they must look (and sound!) ridiculous, all “yawping” into the ether. Still, she raised her arms outward, lifted her chin to the sky, and let out the loudest “yawp!” that echoed all the way into the distance.


	5. Resfeber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 5: In which Usagi devotes herself to a higher calling. 
> 
> “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Mahatma Gandhi
> 
> “I grew up in Sierra Leone, in a small village where as a boy my imagination was sparked by the oral tradition of storytelling. At a very young age I learned the importance of telling stories - I saw that stories are the most potent way of seeing anything we encounter in our lives, and how we can deal with living.” Ishmeal Beah

Time was narrowing to the last minute, and Usagi Tsukino felt breathless. Her bags were packed, her passport was clutched in her small hand. In a minute, she would be taking her first steps outside of the only home she had ever known. In a minute, she would leave everything that she held in comfort, in safety, and step bravely into a new world. In a minute, she would have to contend with her past, present and future. 

“Gate 57! Boarding group A!” The attendant announced. And Usagi grabbed at the handles of her bright pink bag filled with everything she would need to live with for two years, and took her first steps to the rest of her life. 

This was not something she ever saw herself doing, let’s make that clear right now. Usagi grew up sheltered with a loving family and in a middle class income neighborhood. Around her, people were more or less the same. In fact, until she had met the girls, she was pretty set in her habits, comfortable with how things didn’t change too much. She liked sleeping, playing video games, and daydreaming about her long lost love that an adolescent school girl could only make up. It was the romantic gauzy way of life that kept her from seeing the terrible, the ugly, the worst. 

Mamorou had changed that particular daydream, not that he was terrible, ugly or the worst. At least, not how Usagi presently saw him. But his insistence on trying to get her to see other pathways, his abrasive nature at first, and his calming disposition when she finally did take the rose colored glasses off only to gasp at her own lack of awareness, all contributed to this very decision. 

He was the first to help her understand privilege. 

And then he was there for all of the medical appointments, all of the frustrating bureaucracy of paperwork and he was definitely there to hold her hand as she teared up from the vaccination shots she received. 

Her friends were next, in her understanding of the whole wide world. Sweet shy Ami, with her brilliance and her strong ambition was next. She helped Usagi understand the meaning behind the pursuit of knowledge. To look further and to question what she was being told. To carefully examine a situation from a distance. Ami would be returning from her long stint at the edge of the world soon, but Usagi would not be there to greet her. 

Rei followed, and helped Usagi prepare for her interviews. Of them all, Rei had the clarity of being self aware, probably from years of meditating by the flames. She taught Usagi of corruption, and deceit. But also of self preservation, and how to choose one’s own battles. Of them all, Rei understood the most of making not only hard decisions, but the right ones. She stood next to Mamoru at the airport, and watched the plane leave, a solemn yet knowing expression on her face. 

Makoto couldn’t bring herself to the airport, her fear of flying not yet quelled, despite her recent journey to Scandinavia. But perhaps, she was the most distraught of Usagi leaving them (for two whole years!) Mako had taught Usagi how to fight, to stand for justice, to take care of the little guys. She actually had brought Usagi to her dojo, in training preparation for her trip “just in case any guy might wanna try his hand at you, and Mamoru won’t be there!”

Further though, Mako taught Usagi a deep empathy for the children who had to grow up fast, the ones not able to live in a daydream adolescence. The children she might encounter on her trip are the children who may not have whole families, whole homes. They might not have an annoying little brother, or a mother who has to yell to wake her daughter up in time for school. Or they might have all of those things, just not in the same way. Usagi learned from Mako, not to sympathize or take pity upon others, but instead to lift up and encourage. To focus not on becoming an inspiration, but instead to make a connection. 

Finally, at the end of this long process, her double, her partner in fighting crime (video games) at the Crown Arcade, and sneaking up on Rei at her temple, and checking out cute boys: Minako “Goddess of Love '' Aino. She was the first one that Usagi told about her invitation. She was the one who held Usagi during an anxiety attack in this long application and clearance process. The one who Usagi told all of her insecurities and her self doubts to.

Because what did it mean? For a privileged young woman, to travel to such a place so starkly different from anything she’s ever known all for the purpose of helping others? Usagi thought, many times over, what it would mean for her. To volunteer her time and energy to help people, who may never have asked for it in the first place, would mean to recognize an ugly truth about the world. To understand that this planet is immense, and that people may put other people in situations that generations later, will try and try but never be able to undo the traumas inflicted upon them.

“But Usa, it doesn’t mean that it’s too late for us to start making up for that. It doesn’t mean that we can’t still make real connections, understand how others live.” 

Mina liked people to think that she wasn’t very intelligent, she said it made people less afraid to be friends with her. But Usagi always thought that she was brilliant. 

She wanted Mina, more so than even Mamoru, to come on this journey with her. But Mina refused, even choosing to not see her off at the airport. She told Usagi “This is your time to experience life, your time to learn about yourself. I will not get in your way, on your journey to love.” 

Yup, Usagi thought, as she fiddled with her seatbelt in the dim light of the plane cabin, Mina was brilliant and intuitive. 

Her parents throughout this process helped her, understanding the need for their little bird to fly the nest. However, they didn’t understand much why she wanted to go. Her father suggested a fun abroad trip, something like backpacking through Europe, or visiting the beautiful islands of the Philippines. Why did Usagi have to pick there? Of all places? And why was she choosing to give up her modern comforts, to trade them for bucket washing and losing her precious sleep by staying on a cold mat on the floor? Most of the reactions that Usagi received, when telling of her plans to coworkers and acquaintances alike, were similar in this nature. 

But her friends understood. If she wanted to make a difference, even if it was a small difference, then Usagi Tsukino with all the love in her heart, would try her very hardest to do so. It was with that determination that she blazed through the entire application process, possessing an inner drive that had yet to be seen before.

Surprising even Mamoru with her organization levels, she laid out multiple folders with different forms for different appointments all labeled “Vaccinations,” “Physical Exam,” “Dental Exam” etc. She scoured the internet for resources and experiences. She checked out books from the library with titles like “Volunteering Across the World” “Colonial Trauma and Diaspora” and “Disproportionate Borders.” She took the time to highlight the lessons from those texts, and had filled notebooks with tips from people. But a nagging feeling was still there. Even with all her research, her preparedness, what could she really expect? 

What would lie before this young person, so new to the ways of the world? Would she find joy, laughter? Despair and anguish? How would she survive? Who would she encounter? Would her assignment have her far from the capital city? Would she be able to drive, or would she need a bike or to walk? When would she have access to the Internet, or even a shower? Where would the closest medical facility be? What would she do in the event of a natural disaster, or political unrest? 

The wheels on the plane touched the ground and Usagi was shaken from an anxious slumber. She grabbed her bag, forgot her water bottle in her seat, and shuffled into the heat of the small international airport. She took her steps out of the building, and the scent of air hit her all at once. Exhaust and grime flooded her senses. People and vehicles overwhelmed her vision. A yellow cab sped to a stop in front of her. 

A flash of fear shot through her, but she climbed into the cab nonetheless and told the driver the hotel she would be set up at for training, before she was sent out on assignment. As it sped off, Usagi’s fear and anxieties gave way to pure overwhelming wonder, as she gazed upon the cityscape of Freetown, Sierra Leone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that Usagi choosing to volunteer overseas is akin to her choosing to become Sailor Moon. She's always been this type of person, its literally her destiny. 
> 
> I wrote these shorts early pandemic, when the grief was still fresh and the hope to travel soon was still there. It's been a year and the furthest place I've gone is to my dentist. Still, I would like to know what you all think. How can I improve? Are these interpretations what you expected of the canon characters? Where is the one place you want to go to the most?


End file.
